By Pimmi Goomer, Director of Programs, Embright Education
Language matters.
It can be negative or positive. Demeaning or uplifting. Judgmental or open minded. Kind or cruel. Every word we choose sends a message about who belongs, who is capable, and who is valued.
That understanding was reinforced recently when our staff read and discussed The Words We Choose by Jill Anderson, featuring Lily Howard Scott, author of The Words That Shape Us, on Harvard EdCast. The conversation resonated deeply with us as SEL instructors and leaders because learning environments are shaped first and foremost by the language used within them.
At Embright, we are intentional about creating spaces that foster belonging, emotional safety, and growth. Students learn best when they feel seen, respected, and empowered.
One of the most compelling ideas in Scott’s work is her framing of emotions. She teaches students that “feelings are visitors” and that each person is “the CEO of their brain.” Rather than feeling controlled by emotions, students learn that emotions come and go and do not define who they are. That shift gives children something incredibly powerful: agency.
With this sense of agency, students begin to understand that they have choices in how they respond and what they focus on. Feelings become information they can notice, reflect on, and respond to thoughtfully. Over time, challenges become temporary rather than defining, strengthening self regulation and emotional resilience.
Building on this foundation of agency and self awareness, helping students learn how to think is just as important as what they learn. When students become intentional about their thinking, they strengthen executive functioning and metacognitive skills. Learning to reflect on thinking, notice thoughts, and evaluate choices builds self awareness and self control. These abilities support academic growth and long term well being.
Another powerful takeaway from Scott’s work is her emphasis on mistakes. Through the idea of “brilliant mistakes,” she reminds us that meaningful growth happens when students investigate what went wrong.
Students need permission to struggle.
When mistakes are treated as opportunities rather than failures, students learn to problem-solve, persist, and reflect. Feeling safe to try, fail, and try again builds resilience and reinforces that growth comes through effort and curiosity rather than perfection.
These skills are strengthened when students are given meaningful opportunities to apply what they are learning. Project-based and experiential learning create those opportunities by requiring students to apply knowledge, navigate challenges, and think critically in authentic contexts that mirror real life. When learning reflects real experiences, engagement increases. Lessons that feel relevant and meaningful strengthen persistence and deepen understanding.
Scott also challenges us to think differently about anxiety and achievement. Perfection is not realistic. It fuels anxiety and self doubt. Her distinction between dysregulated anxiety and regulated anxiety helps explain both challenging behavior and high achievement rooted in perfectionism.
Viewing student behavior and performance through this lens changes how we respond. Instead of labeling students or focusing only on outcomes, we begin to ask more thoughtful questions: What is this student struggling with? What support is needed? In both cases, students deserve compassion, understanding, and tools.
Intentional language plays a critical role in that response.
Its impact is especially evident in how we give feedback. When we use asset-based language and focus on growth rather than deficits, we communicate belief in students’ potential. Praise centered on effort, strategy, and perseverance builds intrinsic motivation.
Too often, praise sounds like:
“Thank you for sitting quietly.”
“Good job listening.”
“You did exactly what I said.”
Structure matters, but it cannot be the foundation of feedback. Praise focused only on compliance creates hesitant learners who avoid taking risks and lack confidence in their own thinking. Recognizing learning looks like:
“I noticed how you kept trying.”
“You found a new way when it did not work.”
“You asked a thoughtful question.”
Feedback that reflects thinking, effort, and growth builds independence and confidence.
Equally important is how adults respond when students struggle. Rather than focusing on correction, leading with curiosity and compassion allows educators to identify emotional, academic, or environmental barriers and provide meaningful, targeted support. Questions like, “Can you tell me more about what feels hard right now?” invite reflection and strengthen self awareness.
Scott also introduces “just because” language to strengthen healthy self talk:
“Just because I did not do well does not mean I am bad at this.”
“Just because this is hard does not mean I cannot learn it.”
Separating performance from identity reinforces a growth mindset grounded in effort, learning, and possibility.
Throughout her work, Scott emphasizes the importance of an inner voice that is wise, kind, and true to oneself. Helping students recognize and nurture this voice supports self compassion, resilience, the ability to trust themselves, and the capacity to manage stress.
Reflecting on these ideas has challenged me both professionally and personally. As an educator, leader, and parent, I now think more carefully about how I speak to students, colleagues, and my own children. This work has pushed me to be more intentional, more patient, and more compassionate with others and with myself.
When intentional language becomes part of daily practice, students’ inner lives are strengthened. Self regulation grows. Anxiety and perfectionism decrease. Classrooms become spaces where students feel safe to be imperfect, curious, and courageous.
As SEL educators and leaders, this work is central to our mission.
Every interaction is an opportunity.
Every word is a choice.
Every choice shapes a child’s story about who they are and what they are capable of becoming.
Let us choose words that build confidence.
Let us choose words that invite reflection.
Let us choose words that communicate belief, compassion, and possibility.
Because the words we choose today become the voices our students carry for a lifetime.